Dear Annie 4/23 | The Spokesman-Assessment

Dear Annie: I’ve been concerned with the daddy of my little one for 10 years. Leaving out not less than 9 years of madness, I fast-forward to in the present day. He has a drug downside and received clear seven months in the past. He’s doing nicely in restoration. We have been separated for 5 years due to his habits, however after rehab, he got here to reside with me and our son to attempt to make issues work.

It has been OK. He began working just lately, and issues had been fantastic. However, I’ve some deep-seated belief points due to his mendacity and infidelity in the previous. I checked out his telephone whereas he was sleeping the opposite evening and found that he’s nonetheless very a lot in a relationship with the lady he was relationship the 5 years we have been aside. He has informed her that he’s nonetheless in rehab, and the lies are fairly elaborate relating to his day-to-day actions.

This has gone on for 5 months. When confronted, he grew to become violent. Obviously, I want to interrupt this off, however I’m at a loss as to how. Our son is thrilled that his dad is residence and sober. His dad won’t depart simply. He doesn’t actually have wherever else to go and has, previously, damaged into my residence or hung round outdoors till he’s been let in.

I’m afraid of what this may do to our son. The final time we broke issues off, he was a toddler, so he doesn’t keep in mind, however issues received very, very messy. I’m retaining quiet for now as a result of I don’t know what to do. I really feel like I’m trapped in a ridiculous mess, and I’m additionally so embarrassed by all of it. – Trapped

Dear Trapped: Keeping you and your son secure – from potential violence, potential relapse and continued manipulation by the hands of your son’s father – is of the utmost significance. Your accomplice has clearly worn out his welcome and must be eliminated from the house instantly.

Create the boundary. Give him a agency move-out date and stick with it, permitting him per week or two at most to safe his personal housing. Having this dialog in a public place or with a trusted good friend or member of the family current could cut back the danger of violence. Additionally, the National Domestic Violence Hotline web site has info on native sources, from assist teams to counseling to restoration companies.

If interesting to cause doesn’t work, interesting to the regulation will. Depending on what state you reside in, your choices could fluctuate, so think about talking with a lawyer to find out the most suitable choice on your state of affairs. No matter what, keep robust. You’re doing the precise factor.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

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