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Mandated rest for all glazed hams


In what was surely a common experience for many this year, whether by choice or necessity, Sue Lugsdin of Balgowlah Heights wrote, “Our Christmas dinner this year was relatively small, with only 11 precious family and friends.” However, what was less common was the age range of the guests, “from 11 weeks to 98 years.” Another record perhaps, or can someone beat it?

When Paul Hunt of Engadine asked one of his daughters what sounds of Christmas were registered in her memory, she responded, “The songs White Christmas and The Christmas Song, the laughter of my brother and sisters opening their presents, the hymns at midnight mass … and your abusive tirade when you get a contribution rejected by Column 8.” And what is the reaction when it does get published?

While browsing the Christmas recipes on the SMH website, Steve Davidson of Warrawee was particularly taken with the “suggestion in the recipe for spiced maple and amaro glazed ham that, after basting it every 10 minutes for an hour and a half, you then ‘rest for 30 minutes before carving’.”

Terry McGee of Malua Bay heartily approves of the characteristic absurdity of Column 8 (C8), and then tests its limits. “A little more surely wouldn’t do us any harm. But can you have too much? What is the World Health Organisation’s recommended daily maximum exposure to absurdity? And what is the unit of absurdity in the MKS system?” Clearly on a roll, Terry continues. “I hope you don’t think I’m taking the Mickey. How big is the Mickey, anyway? And given the discussion on urea, I hope you don’t think I’m taking the p—.” After that effort, Granny suggests that Terry might like to follow the advice given for other glazed hams, and rest for 30 minutes.

Another who follows the old ways (C8), Bill Young of Killcare Heights also admits to still referring to “a small amount of money as ‘a couple of bob’, and my height as ‘six six’. One point nine seven metres is far too cumbersome.“

Conversely, as a relatively tall 6′4″, Ray Vingilis of Mount Pritchard gets tired of being constantly asked, ‘How tall are you?‘. “They’re all expecting me to answer ‘six foot four inches’ (C8), so I simply answer 195cm and walk away leaving them to do the sums. After all, Australia has been a metric country for 50 years.”

Column8@smh.com.au

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